One week left....

In just one week, the final set of casts will come off. I can hardly believe it, but I'm so ready for that day to come. I'm actually releasing control and I'm going to let Steve return to St. Louis without me. Can you believe it? I'm going to stay home and attend some wrestling "stuff" with Tucker. He actually has his body fat assessment on that day and I don't want to miss it for fear of the outcome being bad. I don't think it will be bad, but I just want to be there.

So to think that in one week Amelia will have her first "real" bath in just over eight weeks, or is it nine? Who's counting anyway. I keep talking to her about it and she doesn't seem to really care.

She's adjusted to the short-legged casts pretty well. She doesn't care for the "shoes" and takes them off now. I just let her go and tell her that she'll just have to slip and slide around if she' doesn't want to wear them. Right now she's standing up on the hardwood floors playing at the vanity so she seems to have adapted just fine.

I'm working on getting things decorated for Christmas....trying to stay ahead of the game! HA HA HA HA HA....I crack myself up!

Holy Baptism

After two cancellations, trying to arrange numerous schedules and not being successful, we finally had Amelia baptised on September 21, 2008. We schedule this event two times before and had to cancel both for various reasons, surgeries, casting etc. I decided I'd like to get it done before the casting and surgery this fall and set out to find a date. Unfortunately, Matthew was away at school, so we had to go forward without him. We have three amazing pastors at our church, so I never have a preference on who does the baptism. I just call the office, ask for dates only, no pastor schedules and we get who we get. Well, it seems that of all the times, our extension pastor, Jenn Lucas, was going to be at the main campus on this date and she performed the baptism. It was lovely and a long time coming. Amelia did very well and Elise was a little more than chagrined that she was not up on the big screen in front of the congregation. Fortunately, the very last photo was one of both of the girls at the beach, it's one of my favorite photos of them and I'm so happy they included it in the slide show.

We had the family come to the house afterwards for a nice brunch and it was a perfectly lovely day. We even had a few friends stop by to congratulation our girl.

So Amelia has had her first sacrament. I will continue to pray that she will experience many more.

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Look at me....return trip to St. Louis

We just returned from good ole St. Louie and Amelia is now in her final set of casts. Hallelujah and Praise the Lord!!! This set is short-legged and she is now allowed to bear weight.

Elise wanted to go back to St. Louis so badly, so she went along this time. Fortunately, I was blessed to have my sister accompany me on the trip. I'm a brave woman, some might even say fearless, but traveling the six hours, alone, with two toddlers, is not my idea of fun or smart. So, the four of us piled in "Betty" (the name of my Envoy), and off we went.

Traveling this time of year is different. By the time we arrived in St. L, it was already dark and raining~yulk. We checked in and decided to venture out of the hotel and by pass Applebees for dinner. We trudged down Euclid and found a nice Pasta House, ate a delicious dinner with a lovely glass of wine and headed back to the hotel for some serious "bed jumping". Yes, that's right. Elise only wants to come along to jump on the hotel beds. I don't allow that sort of shenanigans at home, but someone else's bed is just fine to jump on. She had a little trouble getting her groove on and the first jump found her bouncing on to the second bed with too much momentum and hitting the wall. Couldn't help but laugh at that one. She quickly regrouped, reduced the height of her first bounce and landed the second bounce with a perfect 10. Amelia cheered her on since she could only sit on the bed and observe.

Once again, we had the "strategic" 7:30 a.m. appointment~no waiting~and went directly into a room when we arrived. Amelia starts to get a little weary since she knows the casts are going to be cut off. Mind you, the saw just makes a great deal of noise but it won't cut her. The gentlemen who was doing the cutting is so very nice and does an excellent job. As I sat on the table with her, I started to ponder the possibility that there may be things shoved down into those casts. Over the past week, Elise has caught Amelia storing various items down in her casts. I've retrieved a puzzle piece and a few other toys. I prayed there was nothing embarrassing down there. Fortunately, all that come out of one cast was a tootsie roll wrapper. She was probably trying to hide the evidence. It made for a pretty light moment.

Next came the tough part...removing the "buttons". I've renamed the buttons, discs. There is no way that huge, bump-of-a-thing, can be called a button. Silly me, thought they would just come in and snip the stitches and remove it. Ha~ Silly Me, is right. As I sat on the table, with Amelia between my legs, holding her feet up, the resident doctor just YANKED the first button off. I was shocked, so was Amelia. Fortunately, it happened so quickly, there wasn't much time for a reaction. She whimpered very so slightly, but continued to eat her goldfish. Then came the second foot. This one didn't work out so well. He couldn't pull the stick out. So he sat there, pulling and tugging on that "button" while I held her foot up. Amelia was whaling, Elise was crying and had to leave the room and things were starting to get a little dicey for me. Finally, he had the good sense to realize that stitch wasn't coming out and he cut it close to the foot. After he left the room, I had to head to the sink and get a nice, cold cloth to drape across the back of my neck. Candy said I was looking a little peeky.

After the drama, I took a baby wipe and cleaned her little toes, the toes that have been couped up in those darn casts for over six weeks now. Her skin was flaky and instantly started to fall off around her. Amelia started removing the larger pieces her self. As I cleaned her toes, I gently massaged her legs and took notice of her feet. I was thrilled with how straight they looked! It was is an amazing difference.

Now she is in short legged casts with blue velcro shoes and she is allowed to stand and try to walk. To say the least, her legs are very weak. But she's already standing and trying to take some steps. The casts are heavy and the shoes are bulky, but she is so very excited. The first time she stood up she smiles, looked up at me and say..."Look at me! I'm standing!" My heart exploded for her. Her spirit is amazing and her determination will be the force that has her running by summer time.

It's good to be home and sleep in my own bed. Steve is returning in two weeks to have the final set of casts and I plan on staying home. During the return trip~I finally figured out that I have been to St. Louie eight times this year. I guess I've been so caught up in the day-to-day work, that I just wasn't thinking about how many times I've driven there. Or maybe I'm just in a state of denial~a place I like to go to cope with stressful situations. I always return from denial, it just takes me some time. I'm giving up control and letting Steve do this trip. I will be hard for me, but I'm going to do it! Pray for me ;-)

Enjoy the trip pics. I've also included a video of Amelia doing a somersault in her casts. Nothing stops her. She can't wait to join Elise in dance class~won't that be a hoot!!!

Make a Smilebox slideshow Somersaults:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSr-3YcBiuk

Button, button, who's got the button????

Another trip down and a few more to go. Amelia's casts were changed this week and she got a new set. She wasn't suppose to get the casts completely changed, was only suppose to get a fiberglass overwrap. But between the two of us, we destroyed the old ones.

I love Dr. Dobbs' nurse, Kristina. I was feeling pretty bad about my motherly responsibilities when it came to keeping these casts in tact until she told me a few of her "worse" cast stories. After the the stories about fly larva, cockroaches and cast removal with a steak knife, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

The very nice gentleman with the saw came in and I had to sit on the table with Amelia and hold her. This requires that I sit behind her and straddle her. Thank goodness I can still sit that way! She's so dramatic...she whimpers the entire time he is sawing, but she can still eat a pretzel. Go figure!

He removed the top part of the cast and I was able to see her legs. Poor thing! She's lost all of her muscle tone, they are dry and itchy and kind of dark. I massaged them for her but was not allowed to put any lotion on them since that can lead to skin break down. Millie was still doing pretty well with everything~no drama~YET! Then they took the legs out of the bottom of the casts and she freaked out over the sutures on the top of her feet. "Look Mama! Look!" She kept repeating and pointing. Then came the bottom of her foot and seeing the "button" for the first time. I have a picture in my mind of a "button", a very small button on the bottom of my child's very small foot. I've got one word~YOWSA! That's some heavy duty button on her feet. IT'S HUGE!

All in all, everything looked pretty good. One of the sutures on the left foot looked a little infected so they treated that and the skin looked pretty good. No harm done this time. We just have to stay really dry for the next 2 1/2 weeks. They recasted her and put bright pink fiberglass on her legs. The button stands out on the bottom of her casted feet, and appears as a rather large bump. She's still not allowed to walk or stand and frankly I don't think she'll have the desire with that gigantic button on the bottom of her foot. The next set of casts will be short legged and walking casts! HOORAH! We're on the down hill side now~or at least I like to think so.

I have to admit, her attitude is amazing and she doesn't seem to be too worse for wear. She's a trooper, my Millie Moo!

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Two weeks down....two~four weeks to go

We've gotten through our first two weeks with the casts, but not without incident. I can't blame it all on Amelia~I'm also to blame.

Relaxing in the hotel before dinner...she's very comfortable!

Sorry, I just can't seem to handle the sponge baths~that's what I'm suppose to be sticking to but I have failed as a mother in that department. She just gets so very dirty some days and I can't help myself. I bought two bags that were specifically made to cover a cast to keep them dry while bathing. So I put the bags over the casts, sit her on a stool in the tub (so she's not submerged) and give her a nice bath. Well, nice compared to a sponge bath (my grandmother called it another kind of bath ;-). But those bags don't work very well if there are holes in them, which I discovered on Monday night when I removed them after my version of a "sponge bath". Needless to say, the cast was very wet.

So, long story, very short...Amelia will be getting those casts replaced tomorrow in St. Louis by Dr. Dobbs nurse since between the two of us, we have destroyed them. Amelia played a pretty active part in this little incident too. For instance, she lays on her back, stick her legs up in the air, puts her hands down in the casts, by her toes and pulls on them. I've tried to capture this on film but have not been able to so far. We won't go into the break dancing and log rolling that she performs for people when she wants to show off. I'll also leave out the fact that she decided to crawl down the concrete drive a few times leaving a lovely trail of white plaster of paris.

Waiting for her "sponge bath", no one should be able to lay like that...especially with those casts!

So you see, it's not just me being a germ-o-phob mom, Amelia's done her fair share of destruction too! I had to re tape the casts within the first three days home due to all the crawling she was doing!

I've taken several trips to St. Louis with just Millie (yes, Millie!). Let me digress for a moment. We tend to give nicknames in the Clevenger family...every one's name seems to morph into something other than their Christian name. So Amelia has gone from Amealwah, to Mealwah, to Millie to Millie Moo. I know it sounds korney, but I love calling her Millie Moo. She does not like to be called by her Chinese name and will shout "NO", when I call her Yuan Yuan. But she likes Millie! Go figure!

Back to the trips. I decided to try the trip on our own and was delighted at the outcome. I was blessed to see a different side of my daughter when she was by herself. We were able to bond in a new way and I fell in love with a child that I had not seen before. So when people say that children act differently when they are without their siblings, I couldn't agree more. So, I've taken this opportunity to travel alone and get to know my Millie Moo in a different way. It's been such a blessing!

Next time I'll have to ask for two double beds...how am I suppose to sleep in a king size bed with her sleeping like that? I'm sure I'll figure out something. After all, I am the mother!

She's sleeping now and I'm heading that direction. We have the early appointment tomorrow and will be back on the road to home ASAP. It's a power trip, but worth every minute! I can't wait to see what color casts we leave with. Hopefully it will be pink or blue and we'll skip the orange this time.

You signed up for this....(my rant for the day)

"You signed up for this!" or "This is what you wanted!"

These are things that I hear quite frequently when it comes to my adopted daughters. Let's face it, there are times when I'm overwhelmed and tired, sad and frustrated, crazy and mad. All very normal, natural feelings for any mother. But it seems that since my daughters are adopted, I don't have a right to feel this way according to some people. According to them, I should not vent my feelings concerning anything to do with them~particularly anything that may seem bad. It's almost as if feeling anything but pure, unadulterated love and jubilation in the fact that I have these two little girls is simply not allowed. Talk about sending someone on a serious guilt trip...this mentally send me right to the "express lane", "Do not pass go, go straight to martyrdom".

Before I go any further in this rant, let's get a few things straight. I LOVE my children, all four of them. I would lay my life on the line for anyone of them. I would go to the ends of the earth to provide for them the things that they truly need to be healthy and successful. There is no difference in any of them. But they are different; not one of them share a single strand of DNA! The girls share a mother and father, but not a birth mother and father. The boys are a product of both of our previous marriages~not related in any way. So you see, all four of my children are siblings through marriage, adoption and the love the Jesus Christ. But do you think anyone says anything like this to me when I vent about my son or stepson? Of course not...who would even thing of saying anything about that? Everyone knows how difficult teenagers and step children can be, but adopted children must be different, right??? WRONG, right now, my daughter is lying in her bed pitching a ROYAL fit because she doesn't want to take a nap that she so desperately needs after having surgery last week. But according to some people, I should just smile and be content with her misbehaving because I chose to adopt her. This type of behavior should not frustrate me one little bit. Things that make you go "Hmmmmm????"

This brings me to an even bigger problem (at least from my perspective). Many people in our society don't want to deal with those "bad" feelings. If you are feeling bad, you must have something wrong with you, so go to the doctor and get a pill to fix it. Please take note, that I know and believe that mental illness is a very real and painful issue. I would never begrudge anyone that seeks help for any medical condition. BUT, I also believe there are far to many people out there that are just popping a pill because society doesn't want to see any sadness or anger or any of those emotions that just make some people uncomfortable. I can't believe that it is healthy for a person's mental and physical being to not experience any and all emotions. To mask those emotions with a pill seems risky to me.

I have a few EX-friends that believe that because I simply express my emotions (good, sad, mad or indifferent), makes me bi-polar. That's right~bi-polar. Ask me where they got their medical degrees and I'd have to say they simple read one of those wonderful self-help books and decided that since I didn't fit into what THEY believe to be normal behavior, I'm mentally ill. We won't go in to the fact that they are living in loveless, self-serving marriages that are held together simple because they don't have the courage to face the tough and difficult issues and they don't want their Christians friends to think they are anything but perfect. Or that they chooses to limp through life pretending their families and lives are perfect, when I know for a fact that they aren't. I'm not advocating divorce or anything like that, but let's me REAL. People in glass houses should NEVER throw stones and these people have a catapult inside their home. As for me, you get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. A spades, a spade to me baby. And I'm gonna tell you that. If that makes me mentally ill, then so be it. I'd rather be that than a fake. Because faking something ALWAYS catches up to you~sooner or later.

Another point, do you think these same people that say these things to me, say them to the parents that give birth to a biological child that has special needs? Oh, I think not, that would be so POLITICALLY incorrect! They would never say that to a biological family! They would offer support and empathize~never say, "Hey, you new the risk when you decided to give birth to this baby!" Just burns my backside when I think about it. Of course I knew my daughter had club feet. Did I know it was atypical clubfeet (in about 2-3% of clubfoot cases), with nerve damage in both legs? Did I know that she would be well over two years old before she would ever walk, let alone run? No, I didn't know any of these things! It wasn't stated in her medical records. We stepped out in faith, with God's guidance, knowing we could get through anything with His help. But that doesn't mean it's always simple or happy or gleeful around our house! Some days are just plain hard~when a teenager is grumpy because someone ate the last peach and HE thought it should have been saved for him (gotta love weight loss during wrestling season), the four year old is taking toys away from the two year old because she can and the two year old is screaming at the top of her lungs, MINE MINE MINE! Meltdowns abound, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord! Welcome to the funny farm!

So the fact that I'm a wee bit older, with small adopted children doesn't give me the same rights as parents that have children in their younger years. Because let's face it, had the invitro treatments been successful and I had given birth to let's say, multiples, I would have faced the same scrutiny. "You chose to go through this!" It just doesn't seem fair to me.

Rest assured, I have my safe zones; friends that I can say anything to, that understand and let me say the things I need to say. For if I did not have them, if I couldn't say the things that I really needed to say in a loving, caring and nurturing environment, then I would have to medicated!

That's my rant for the day....please know that I love my children dearly, but they all drive me crazy to some extent! I guess that just really makes them mine! If you are so fortunately that this doesn't happen to you, then God bless you. You must have the patience of Job! I admit that I do not, but I pray for forgiveness and guidance on a daily basis. That's me, broken and imperfect. Only by the grace of God, can I be successful as a mother, spouse and friend. Kudos to you if you don't.

Isn't this a lovely way to come back to blogging!

ATTT Surgery

Amelia had her ATTT (Anterior Tibial Tendon Transfer) surgery this week. Dr. Dobbs was very happy with the surgery and the flexation of Amelia's feet. We are so happy to have this behind us, but the next four weeks will be tough. She is not allowed to bear any weight on her feet for four weeks. For a little girl that has just started walking, this is devastating. She has been in plaster casts for the past two weeks to stretch her feet and tendons before the surgery and she actually got to the point where she could walk in them. I've included a video at the end of the slide show showing her walking. It's rather choppy, but you can get the jest of her attempt.

We covet your prayers for patience and acceptance during the next four weeks. I've been a little absent from blogging, I plan on changing that. Enjoy the photos from the hospital. They are a little grainy~must have had the aperture setting on.

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