July 16, 2007This post has not come easy for me. I’ve agonized over what to include since I’m not sure of the audience. There are those that have never experienced a difficult child, or adoption and they can never begin to comprehend what this year has been like. I’ve even thought of not including a post since this year has been…well…less than stellar. However, there’s that part of my brain that understands the importance of said post. Ultimately, the most important person that will be affected by this post will be Amelia. Things need to be said so she knows and understands the importance and impact of this year on her and our entire family. So make the post I will with the caveat that it’s not meant to be anything more than a milestone that needs to be marked for my daughter’s sake. Like the content or not, it’s what the last year has been from my perspective.
July 11, 2008
I’d love to say this year has been a joy and delight, but that would be a lie. Those that know me, know lying is not an option. It’s been difficult and even grim at times. From the time we arrived in China last July, we have endured much more excitement than we planned for. From culture shock, early departures and disruptions, it was not exactly a happy trip. As anticipated, Amelia’s behavior in China was only a snapshot of what was to come when we arrived home. Amelia is a strong-willed child that wants what she wants and wants it now. If she doesn’t get it, she tends to voice her displeasure for an extended period of time. On a high note, that period of time has decreased from several hours to only several minutes of crying, screeching and whaling.
In her defense, I have to acknowledge the frustration that she has had to experience from not being able to walk. The weakness and nerve damage that she has in her legs has been far more than we anticipated. We’ve adjusted to this unforeseen condition and believe we are on the right track with her treatments. We will travel back to St. Louis this fall to start her treatments. We covet your prayers for all of us during this time. I’ll keep you posted when I know more.
I truly believed that we were prepared for the challenges of adopting a slightly older child and one that was in an extraordinary foster program. Amelia came to us very spoiled. I know that sounds contradictory to what everyone hears about Chinese orphans, but I would encourage you to check out Half the Sky. They have an amazing program in Amelia’s orphanage and Amelia definitely benefited from having the love and care of some amazing nannies. Believing I was prepared and then actually living through the experience are two very different things.
I believe I survived the guilt I was experiencing from the help and support of some very wonderful friends that I could open up to and that had experienced the same things with their biological children. This information helped to lessen the burden I felt over the “adopted child” label that I worried about. What a relief it was to know that Amelia not being my biological child had nothing to do with the struggles that we were encountering.
My social worker believes that Amelia is lucky to have us for parents. Her words to me were, “Isn’t she lucky to have you! If she would have had a first-time-parent, imagine the havoc she could have caused in their lives!” All I can say to that is, you might want to ask Amelia about that. But seriously, I have had to be very stern with her! It’s broken my heart at times, but I knew that if I didn’t stay the course, she would be running this house. And a two-year old running any household is not a good thing. I kept saying to myself, “If you don’t stop it now, what is she going to be like when she’s twelve???” Then all that would pop into my mind was some sort of “boot camp” for teens. Not a pretty picture my friends.
The physical impact this last year has had on myself has been nothing less than staggering. I have never weighed more, nor been in such rotten physical condition. I’m slowing getting into a workout routine and that is helping. The weight problem has to do with the “stress eating” that I have fallen in to. I’m not proud of the amount of time that my head has been stuck inside the freezer compartment eating ice cream directly out of the ice cream tub. I’ve laughed and told friends that there has been a lot of chocolate and wine consumed in our house over the last year. I said it jokingly, but there is some truth to the statement.
Our days are getting better. Amelia walking has helped her disposition tremendously. She clearly loves me and lets me now it continually. It’s rather sweet and I get so many comments from people about how much she loves me. I can’t leave the house for 10 minutes that she doesn’t chant, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” and ran to me when I walk in the door. She would sit on my lap constantly if I would let her. But again, I have to put limits on her or she carries a little leniency to the extreme and would stay on my lap all day long.
I believe she has adjusted to our family very well and fits in nicely. She’s going to be our opinionated, stubborn child. She can sulk with the best of them and we often laugh at her when she plops down on the floor and stares at us with that “I-just-might-hurt-you” glare. What she still hasn’t fully comprehended yet is that I am more stubborn and more strong-willed than she is. I refuse to have my life dictated by a two year old, so the war wages on. I can see the end in site, but it still might be some months out. This troop refuses to pull out ~ God has placed this child in my life for a reason and I intend to stick around for the long term. I have fallen in love with her and I believe that she truly loves all of us. She tells me she loves me daily! It’s music to my ears, especially when we are having a tough day.
This post has gone on enough…I limit myself to two pages in Word~ I’ve reached that limit.
I love you Amelia SiYuan Wells. I’m glad God is allowing me the privilege of being your mother. My prayer is that I continue to do God’s will in my life and in yours.
Running through the sprinkler together...
