You signed up for this....(my rant for the day)

"You signed up for this!" or "This is what you wanted!"

These are things that I hear quite frequently when it comes to my adopted daughters. Let's face it, there are times when I'm overwhelmed and tired, sad and frustrated, crazy and mad. All very normal, natural feelings for any mother. But it seems that since my daughters are adopted, I don't have a right to feel this way according to some people. According to them, I should not vent my feelings concerning anything to do with them~particularly anything that may seem bad. It's almost as if feeling anything but pure, unadulterated love and jubilation in the fact that I have these two little girls is simply not allowed. Talk about sending someone on a serious guilt trip...this mentally send me right to the "express lane", "Do not pass go, go straight to martyrdom".

Before I go any further in this rant, let's get a few things straight. I LOVE my children, all four of them. I would lay my life on the line for anyone of them. I would go to the ends of the earth to provide for them the things that they truly need to be healthy and successful. There is no difference in any of them. But they are different; not one of them share a single strand of DNA! The girls share a mother and father, but not a birth mother and father. The boys are a product of both of our previous marriages~not related in any way. So you see, all four of my children are siblings through marriage, adoption and the love the Jesus Christ. But do you think anyone says anything like this to me when I vent about my son or stepson? Of course not...who would even thing of saying anything about that? Everyone knows how difficult teenagers and step children can be, but adopted children must be different, right??? WRONG, right now, my daughter is lying in her bed pitching a ROYAL fit because she doesn't want to take a nap that she so desperately needs after having surgery last week. But according to some people, I should just smile and be content with her misbehaving because I chose to adopt her. This type of behavior should not frustrate me one little bit. Things that make you go "Hmmmmm????"

This brings me to an even bigger problem (at least from my perspective). Many people in our society don't want to deal with those "bad" feelings. If you are feeling bad, you must have something wrong with you, so go to the doctor and get a pill to fix it. Please take note, that I know and believe that mental illness is a very real and painful issue. I would never begrudge anyone that seeks help for any medical condition. BUT, I also believe there are far to many people out there that are just popping a pill because society doesn't want to see any sadness or anger or any of those emotions that just make some people uncomfortable. I can't believe that it is healthy for a person's mental and physical being to not experience any and all emotions. To mask those emotions with a pill seems risky to me.

I have a few EX-friends that believe that because I simply express my emotions (good, sad, mad or indifferent), makes me bi-polar. That's right~bi-polar. Ask me where they got their medical degrees and I'd have to say they simple read one of those wonderful self-help books and decided that since I didn't fit into what THEY believe to be normal behavior, I'm mentally ill. We won't go in to the fact that they are living in loveless, self-serving marriages that are held together simple because they don't have the courage to face the tough and difficult issues and they don't want their Christians friends to think they are anything but perfect. Or that they chooses to limp through life pretending their families and lives are perfect, when I know for a fact that they aren't. I'm not advocating divorce or anything like that, but let's me REAL. People in glass houses should NEVER throw stones and these people have a catapult inside their home. As for me, you get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. A spades, a spade to me baby. And I'm gonna tell you that. If that makes me mentally ill, then so be it. I'd rather be that than a fake. Because faking something ALWAYS catches up to you~sooner or later.

Another point, do you think these same people that say these things to me, say them to the parents that give birth to a biological child that has special needs? Oh, I think not, that would be so POLITICALLY incorrect! They would never say that to a biological family! They would offer support and empathize~never say, "Hey, you new the risk when you decided to give birth to this baby!" Just burns my backside when I think about it. Of course I knew my daughter had club feet. Did I know it was atypical clubfeet (in about 2-3% of clubfoot cases), with nerve damage in both legs? Did I know that she would be well over two years old before she would ever walk, let alone run? No, I didn't know any of these things! It wasn't stated in her medical records. We stepped out in faith, with God's guidance, knowing we could get through anything with His help. But that doesn't mean it's always simple or happy or gleeful around our house! Some days are just plain hard~when a teenager is grumpy because someone ate the last peach and HE thought it should have been saved for him (gotta love weight loss during wrestling season), the four year old is taking toys away from the two year old because she can and the two year old is screaming at the top of her lungs, MINE MINE MINE! Meltdowns abound, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord! Welcome to the funny farm!

So the fact that I'm a wee bit older, with small adopted children doesn't give me the same rights as parents that have children in their younger years. Because let's face it, had the invitro treatments been successful and I had given birth to let's say, multiples, I would have faced the same scrutiny. "You chose to go through this!" It just doesn't seem fair to me.

Rest assured, I have my safe zones; friends that I can say anything to, that understand and let me say the things I need to say. For if I did not have them, if I couldn't say the things that I really needed to say in a loving, caring and nurturing environment, then I would have to medicated!

That's my rant for the day....please know that I love my children dearly, but they all drive me crazy to some extent! I guess that just really makes them mine! If you are so fortunately that this doesn't happen to you, then God bless you. You must have the patience of Job! I admit that I do not, but I pray for forgiveness and guidance on a daily basis. That's me, broken and imperfect. Only by the grace of God, can I be successful as a mother, spouse and friend. Kudos to you if you don't.

Isn't this a lovely way to come back to blogging!